Balance ... or Alignment

Recently I realized that when I think of balance, I think an even split among all parts. So if there are two parts, it would be a 50/50 split. This seems reasonable – if I think of a scale, also known as a balance, it means there is equal weight on both sides. A teeter-totter can be balanced with equal weight. Even the concept of a center of gravity requires an even distribution of mass – 50% above, 50% below or 50% to the left and 50% to the right.

Without realizing the assumption I’ve made I’ve taken this idea of balance as 50/50 into my life. I’m not sure it’s working so well.

A common term lately is ‘work-life’ balance. Does that mean we’re supposed to be at work 50% of the time and at life the other 50%. That sort of makes sense even. Given there are 24 hours in a day, we roughly have an eight hour work day, roughly eight hours of sleep, leaving 8 hours for life. Not scientific by any means, but it has a point.

Balance in the sense of 50/50 also implies other combinations are possible, such as 60/40 or 30/70, which by the accounting might indicate something is out-of-balance when in fact it may be perfect. This out-of-balance also implies that one side has a gain while the other side has a loss. Not a very fruitful strategy in the long-run.

The word that has resonated lately as I’ve sat with this new realization of balance – is alignment. Alignment doesn’t imply any proportions and yet it seems far more suitable, and even relevant to so many more situations.

In terms of relationships, something I heard recently was about what each partner needs to bring to the relationship. It’s not that each partner brings 50% to create 100; it’s that each partner brings 100%. This is much more about aligning together than it is about balance. After all, balance is rarely going to occur anyway. One person is going to be physically stronger than the other, one person is probably better cook than the other. It probably wouldn’t be much fun if we were balanced. And certainly we don’t want a balance of masculine and feminine – there’s no polarity and no spark then.

Which brings me to a similar topic I’ve read recently. The idea of rebalancing the masculine and feminine again, that they are out of balance. I certainly agree that they are not in a good relationship now, but I don’t believe balance is what we want. We want alignment. We want the masculine to realign itself with its gold and light. We want the feminine to realign itself with its gold and light. And we want the masculine and feminine to realign themselves in relationship to each other.

David Whyte also writes about this in ‘The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self, and Relationship.’ He writes, ‘Each of the three marriages is nonnegotiable. They cannot be “balanced” again one another – a little taken from this and little given to that – except at their very peripheries. To “balance” work with relationship and with the self means we only work harder in each marriage, while actually weakening each of them by separating them from one another. Each of the marriages represents a core conversation with life that seems necessary for almost all human beings and none of the marriages can be weakened or given up without a severe sense of internal damage.”

Whyte adds a critical piece of alignment, which is that for two (or more) things to align means they depend on each other in some way, that ‘internal damage.’ He goes on to talk about “the conversation between the marriages – the marriage of the marriages.” Again reinforcing the idea of interdependence among the components.

When each element of a system or a whole (and considering that each element itself is whole and a system unto itself) can be in alignment with itself and in a mutually supportive and reinforcing pattern with all the other elements, then you have alignment. Whyte again: “where each of the marriages can protect, embolden, and enliven the others and help keep us mutually honest, relevant, authentic, and alive.”

Picture a yogic posture, where each arm, each leg, the head, and the torso have a certain position to be in. They must all work together, each participating in the pose in its particular way and yet still supporting every other part.

Alignment is a good word, much better than balance. Balance just gets us in our head thinking about 50/50.

                Alignment – that gets us moving in a good direction.

Autotelic

definition from the Encarta World Dictionary
1. done for its own sake: done for its own sake rather than to gain a material reward or avoid a punishment
2. philosophy possessing internal purpose: describes an entity or event that has within itself the purpose of its existence or occurrence

In some ways I relate this to the Zen proverb: "Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water." Once we can do things for their own enjoyment, they are no longer burdens but a way to live and enjoy everything we do. Essentially every activity becomes autotelic.

Alan Watts put it this way: “This is the real secret of life -- to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.”

What's more fascinating about autotelic is that it has been used to describe a personality type! I believe Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi was one of the ascribe this context. This is how he describes autotelics: "An autotelic person needs few material possessions and little entertainment, comfort, power, or fame because so much of what he or she does is already rewarding. Because such persons experience flow in work, in family life, when interacting with people, when eating, even when alone with nothing to do, they are less dependent on the external rewards that keep others motivated to go on with a life composed of routines. They are more autonomous and independent because they cannot be as easily manipulated with threats or rewards from the outside. At the same time, they are more involved with everything around them because they are fully immersed in the current of life."

While I'm not one more labels, I do like patterns and this is a pattern that has many elements which ring true for me. I wonder how many autotelics are there?

Weird

A friend of mine told me the other day that the word 'weird' referred to the mystical, magical, or supernatural. I was intrigued because usually when I think of weird it has to do with strange or odd or unusual, in perhaps an exaggerated way, but I'd never put magical or mystical with it. Following up on that I went to the dictionary, well the dictionary on the web now. Sure enough there are many definitions of weird, and most have little to do with odd or strange.

Dictionary.com lists 4 definitions for weird as an adjective:
1. involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.
2. fantastic; bizarre: a weird getup.
3. Archaic . concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.
4. fate: destiny, one of the Fates

The origin is even more unusual. In Old English (before 900), the word meant worth. In Middle English it referred to the weirde sisters or The Fates from Macbeth. Late Middle English usage meant 'having the power to control destiny.'

Wow! I'm always amazed to discover what words really mean and how language and culture constantly change that.This just another cool example. What a great word for the day.

Fullness

Last night was a full moon, but its brief visit was obscured by the rare clouds here. It's with that full moon in mind that I write this post.

This morning I went to a new yoga class, at a studio I've never been to, with an instructor I haven't been to before. I'm in an exploration mode so this is happening quite frequently lately. So how do yoga and the full moon relate? Exactly!

During the first parts of the class, Kirsten, the instructor, brought the full moon to our attention. (I will try to bring her eloquence and simplicity here.) She was reminding us that the moon is always full - it's always fully there. Most of the time only part of it is bathed in light from the sun, but if we look we can distinguish the full globe.

It's the same with us as humans. We are fully here all the time. And parts of us can be hidden in shadows or light we haven't shined around corners in awhile. Kirsten was encouraging us to use the time with yoga today to remember our fullness and embrace all that we are. I liked the analogy and the reminder, it stuck with me all day.

Here's to you - and hoping you remember your fullness!

enlightement

Wow - there's an overloaded word. It means something different to each person, each religion, each spiritual tradition. Ask 100 people from house means and you'll get a fairly consistent answer. I imagine you'd find some themes if you asked 100 people what 'enlightenment' means. Myself, I usually have an internal chuckle because I think of enlightenment in a different way.
I look at the middle of the word - lighten. That's what I think of in two forms of lightening. The first is lightening your load - getting rid of junk. That is beliefs, thoughts, ideas, patterns that have been embedded into our being since birth. A return to our eternal nature. Lightening.

I also think of it as 'Hey, lighten up' - have fun, enjoy yourself. I recall an experience at a one-day Integral Zen/Mondo Zen retreat. At one point during the retreat the Doshin encouraged us to let go of the solemn, quiet nature of the day, and just laugh. What a great release and view of the world!

Courage

One of my favorite quotes:Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon


Here's a second part to this - the root of the word courage comes from the 14th century French word curage or the Latin word cor - which means heart.