Balance ... or Alignment

Recently I realized that when I think of balance, I think an even split among all parts. So if there are two parts, it would be a 50/50 split. This seems reasonable – if I think of a scale, also known as a balance, it means there is equal weight on both sides. A teeter-totter can be balanced with equal weight. Even the concept of a center of gravity requires an even distribution of mass – 50% above, 50% below or 50% to the left and 50% to the right.

Without realizing the assumption I’ve made I’ve taken this idea of balance as 50/50 into my life. I’m not sure it’s working so well.

A common term lately is ‘work-life’ balance. Does that mean we’re supposed to be at work 50% of the time and at life the other 50%. That sort of makes sense even. Given there are 24 hours in a day, we roughly have an eight hour work day, roughly eight hours of sleep, leaving 8 hours for life. Not scientific by any means, but it has a point.

Balance in the sense of 50/50 also implies other combinations are possible, such as 60/40 or 30/70, which by the accounting might indicate something is out-of-balance when in fact it may be perfect. This out-of-balance also implies that one side has a gain while the other side has a loss. Not a very fruitful strategy in the long-run.

The word that has resonated lately as I’ve sat with this new realization of balance – is alignment. Alignment doesn’t imply any proportions and yet it seems far more suitable, and even relevant to so many more situations.

In terms of relationships, something I heard recently was about what each partner needs to bring to the relationship. It’s not that each partner brings 50% to create 100; it’s that each partner brings 100%. This is much more about aligning together than it is about balance. After all, balance is rarely going to occur anyway. One person is going to be physically stronger than the other, one person is probably better cook than the other. It probably wouldn’t be much fun if we were balanced. And certainly we don’t want a balance of masculine and feminine – there’s no polarity and no spark then.

Which brings me to a similar topic I’ve read recently. The idea of rebalancing the masculine and feminine again, that they are out of balance. I certainly agree that they are not in a good relationship now, but I don’t believe balance is what we want. We want alignment. We want the masculine to realign itself with its gold and light. We want the feminine to realign itself with its gold and light. And we want the masculine and feminine to realign themselves in relationship to each other.

David Whyte also writes about this in ‘The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self, and Relationship.’ He writes, ‘Each of the three marriages is nonnegotiable. They cannot be “balanced” again one another – a little taken from this and little given to that – except at their very peripheries. To “balance” work with relationship and with the self means we only work harder in each marriage, while actually weakening each of them by separating them from one another. Each of the marriages represents a core conversation with life that seems necessary for almost all human beings and none of the marriages can be weakened or given up without a severe sense of internal damage.”

Whyte adds a critical piece of alignment, which is that for two (or more) things to align means they depend on each other in some way, that ‘internal damage.’ He goes on to talk about “the conversation between the marriages – the marriage of the marriages.” Again reinforcing the idea of interdependence among the components.

When each element of a system or a whole (and considering that each element itself is whole and a system unto itself) can be in alignment with itself and in a mutually supportive and reinforcing pattern with all the other elements, then you have alignment. Whyte again: “where each of the marriages can protect, embolden, and enliven the others and help keep us mutually honest, relevant, authentic, and alive.”

Picture a yogic posture, where each arm, each leg, the head, and the torso have a certain position to be in. They must all work together, each participating in the pose in its particular way and yet still supporting every other part.

Alignment is a good word, much better than balance. Balance just gets us in our head thinking about 50/50.

                Alignment – that gets us moving in a good direction.

30 Days of Yoga - Begins Now

At a Thanksgiving celebration I had a brief conversation with a woman there about yoga, which was our common connection with the host. In the conversation she said that at one point she had done 30 consecutive days of yoga and it had been quite profound. It was one thought that somehow didn’t seem to fit the conversation, but it was that one idea that has stuck with me ever since. It’s been ringing around in my head and perhaps moreso it’s been settling deeply into my body. I hadn’t committed to the idea, yet I seemed to be heading right down those tracks.

Yesterday I sat with Kirsten Warner for an hour as we talked about 30 consecutive days of yoga, what my intentions were, what I could focus on, what could help me. One question she asked was why. Why do 30 days of yoga, what did I want to get out of it? I related the conversation above, and part of my answer was curiosity. It some ways the question of why seems like asking why I’ve done all the extreme sports I’ve done. It’s because of a deeper resonance and a deeper calling. To touch and reach edges.

As the conversation progressed she said, ‘this will change your life.’ She offered this quote from John O’Donahue:

"Once you start to awaken, however, nothing or no one can ever claim you again, pull you back into old patterns. Once you start to awaken, you know how precious your time here—on earth, in this body—is. You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self; your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language. You see through the rosters of expectation that promise you safety and the confirmations of your outer identity. Now you are impatient for growth, willing to put yourself in the way of change. You want your work to become an expression of your innate gifts. You want your relationships to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells. You want your God to be wild and to call you to where your destiny awaits."

So it is I’ve begun 30 days of yoga with a class this morning – with a sense of edginess, even a sense of fear, and a deep realizing that this is what’s right. I’m diving in on this auspicious Winter Solstice 2012 and galactic alignment.

One last thought before closing out this blog. As we finished the yoga class today, the song One by U2 played. The lyrics seemed right on for the moment and the day:

Is it getting better

Or do you feel the same

Will it make it easier on you now

You got someone to blame

You say...

One love

One life

When it's one need

In the night

One love

We get to share it

Leaves you baby if you

Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth

You act like you never had love

And you want me to go without

Well it's...

Too late

Tonight

To drag the past out into the light

We're one, but we're not the same

We get to

Carry each other

Carry each other

One...

Have you come here for forgiveness

Have you come to raise the dead

Have you come here to play Jesus

To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much

More than a lot

You gave me nothing

Now it's all I got

We're one

But we're not the same

Well we

Hurt each other

Then we do it again

You say

Love is a temple

Love a higher law

Love is a temple

Love the higher law

You ask me to enter

But then you make me crawl

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you got is hurt

One love

One blood

One life

You got to do what you should

One life

With each other

Sisters

Brothers

One life

But we're not the same

We get to

Carry each other

Carry each other

One...life

One

A Little Indulgence

A few weeks ago a friend called and asked if she could do laundry at my house since her washer was broken, and I said sure. So she was at my house doing laundry, reading email, and doing the things she needed to do. I was preparing some dinner and asked my friend if she wanted something to drink or some Kefir, which is a fermented milk drink similar to yogurt. She said yes – so in trying to be a little mischievous and unconventional, I poured some Kefir in a wine glass and gave her that.

It turns out I was the one who was surprised because she said nothing about the wine glass, as if that was the most natural way to drink Kefir.

The moment stuck in my mind and over the past couple weeks when I want something to drink, whether it’s water, or a root beer, or Kefir, I often reach for a wine glass.

For most people, the wine glasses only come out when we have guests, or a special meal, or just for wine. It often signifies something different or something special is happening.

Really though why not offer ourselves the opportunity to feel special, to be special more often. It can be with our own family, or even by ourselves. I’m sure the French have some sense of this as wine is such a normal and special part of a day and a meal.

And really we don’t have to limit this to wine glasses – maybe we have fine china, or a special tablecloth, or shoes we only wear on special occasions. Why not celebrate more often?

So here’s a toast, with my wine glass full of water, to more celebration!

An Unshakeable Peace

I’ve wanted to write about this idea for a while, but never had a good title or way to describe it. I want to thank Kirsten Warner for another wonderful yoga class this evening and for the final bit of inspiration to write this, and for the title.

Kirsten began the class talking about a recent retreat she was one where for most of the retreat she felt completely inspired and in one peak experience or another for most of the retreat. She was curious about how to hold that peak experience once she returned home. The teacher spoke of staying open and being present as keys to remaining in and experiencing each moment as a peak experience.

At the end of class, Kirsten offered a blessing – may we all have an unshakeable peace to live from. I don’t know if I have the blessing in full, but the words an unshakeable peace struck a chord with me. That is what I feel and what I’ve wanted to write about. I also just love the way it sounds as I say it and what goes through my body as I let it resonate.

An unshakeable peace is a knowing, in a bodily sense, of a deeper stillness or peace or resonance that is undisturbed by life, by emotions, or anything that happens during the day. There may be other words as well – silence, harmony, awareness, grace, beingness, vastness, aliveness, serenity. Some might call it God, or Source, or our Buddha nature. It doesn’t really matter what you call it, it is always there.

The first step is to start to be able to feel that peace.  Yoga is one of that perfect opportunities to begin to experience this if we can stay present in the asanas (poses) or prana (breath) or any of the eight limbs of yoga. Meditation is another frequent means of discovering that deeper stillness. There are many other ways as well – sports is one, perhaps it’s cooking and preparing a meal, or doing pottery.

Once you’ve started to notice and experience that peace, then it’s a continued practice to stay with it for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then an entire yoga class. Then it’s time to take it everywhere – when you’re grocery shopping, or driving, or eating. Even more challenging it to feel it when you’re angry or upset or feeling grief. In real, practical terms this actually means a multi-attention – paying attention to the stillness while you do a yoga pose or feeling the ground of stillness while you have an argument with a loved one.

I don’t know when I first started to actually feel that deeper peace – it’s been several years at least, but I had no words or concepts to put with it. Just something I felt. As I read more and listened to more people I came to understand exactly what Kirsten was talking about. There’s a saying – the mind, or at least the left-brain/logical brain, is always the last to know. My body knew way before my mind understood anything. Now for me it’s fairly constant. Sometime it’s stronger than others, I’ve had goosebumps for days on end from feeling this unshakeable peace and other times it’s only a few moments. I don’t always have the awareness of staying with it, but I know it’s there and I know how to feel it at any time.

The truth is that peace is always unshakeable, it’s always there. The practice is truly how to feel that unshakeable peace while living a human life.

May you all find and know your unshakeable peace.

Emotions as Exquisite Music

In my last post I wrote about feelings. I wrote both about coming to be able to knowing what we’re feeling and understanding that more than likely we are often feeling more than one thing at once.

Here I’m going to use an extended analogy of emotions and music. In particular I’m going to use the image of a piano with 88 keys, with a sustain pedal and a mute pedal. On a piano, a musician can play one note at a time, or many notes all at the same time. The pianist can use the sustain pedal to let a note sing out for an extended period of time slowly fading away, or use the practice pedal to mute and cut short a note.  The artist can hit a key with soft tenderness, or a sharp staccato, or a great emanating sound – they are endless ways to hit a key on a piano.

Music also has chords and keys. Keys represent a series of notes that correspond to a particular pattern of sounds, and chords of ways of using they sounds together. Some chords like 1,3,5,8 are quite in harmony, others like a second or fourth can sound dissonant. And then there is a piece of music which takes into account all of this – the key, the chords, ways of playing notes, using the pedals, and invoking a style or genre of music.

Now imagine emotions as a note on a piano. Each emotion can be played or felt with different textures, intensities, durations, and so on, just like a note on a piano. Emotions can be in harmonious chords that go together  - joy, happiness, and satisfaction. Or emotions can be felt in unusual combinations, like bittersweet.

Our lives are like a symphony of emotions played across our body. They come and go, felt and then released and fading away for the next emotion to come in.

What symphony, or rock band, or rhythm of music and emotions is playing in your body?

To extend this a little further from the last post, for those that are new to music, they go through ear training. They learn how to recognize any given note on a piano. They play a note and then say what note it is, or they play a particular note to learn it and recognize it. This is just like learning emotions – asking what emotion is there and discerning what’s being felt.

Then musicians go through additional training to learn and recognize chords and different intervals of notes – thirds, fourths, fifths, and so on. This can be like learning and recognizing combinations of emotions.

Then musicians learn how to play. Starting with simple pieces with single notes one at a time with few chords, learning how to add texture and pedals and loudness or softness. It takes practice to train the hands and arms to be sensitive to a keyboard and an instrument. It’s the same with emotions as we learn how to feel textures and differences, for example a giddy happy versus a satiated happy. Or a boiling rage versus a simmering anger.

Just like it’s time a musician time to learn how to play an instrument, it can take time to learn our emotions. When you learn, it’s a joy to hear what we play and how we play.

What am I feeling?

For many the question of ‘what am I feeling?’ is full of uncertainty and often a blank expression. Discovering a feeling or emotion can be challenging if we’ve hidden out so long that we aren’t even sure anymore. At one point, for me it wasn’t all that easy for me to answer that question as well. Over time through listening and being patient that has changed.

At first the experience for me was like going through a checklist. Do I feel happy? Do I feel angry? Do I feel sad? Am I frustrated? Am I lonely? Even a checklist was difficult because in some cases I wasn’t even sure what the feeling actually felt like. I even changed the questions to be more like does this feel like loneliness, or does this feel like frustration? It was also difficult because it was usually someone else asking the question and normally a response is expected fairly quickly. Since I didn’t know and I was using a checklist it could be 10 seconds, 15 seconds, 20 seconds before I’m come to an answer. Fortunately most people were quite patient with me while I went through this process.

Identifying a single emotion or feeling within a few seconds became a major achievement. The checklist went quicker or I would use a shorter checklist of a category or grouping of feeling starting from a vague idea of what I might be feeling. Still it wasn’t automatic process.

Over time it did become smooth and easy. Over time I would ask myself the question in my head just as practice. Over time I knew what different feelings felt like. Over time I could identify more feelings and more textures of feelings as well.

Then I came to a confusing point where when someone would ask me what I was feeling, multiple feelings came up all at once and I didn’t know what to answer again. For a while it felt like I had gone backwards and suddenly I was back to taking 10 seconds to answer ‘what am I feeling?’ The confusion came because the normal expected answer is one feeling. I realized that I was going through the list and putting numbers to each feeling to find the most dominant one and assuming one feeling was what was wanted. It took a while to put this all together and understand what was happening. Truly I was feeling many things at once and that the answer to ‘what am I feeling’ could really have multiple answers.

Multiple feelings at once may seem like an unusual idea, but I’m pretty sure it’s normal. Consider bittersweet – a combination of feeling a fond memory and knowing it’s no longer there. Funerals and weddings are full of mixed feelings. Funerals have that same bittersweet quality but even more so. They can be full of love for the departed and love among the friends and family, and great sadness that they are no longer here. At a wedding there is such happiness from the parents as they see their beautiful children grown up, while also feeling some loss that their children are no longer little ones, but grown up.

 What are you feeling right now? All of them!

Intention

For a long time I’ve struggled with the idea of intention. Something seemed amiss and incomplete.

I’ve several books about intention and manifestation, including ‘The Secret’, and each time felt like there was something missing. I’ve come back to intention many times with the idea of discovering what intention is, how it works, what it means, what it means to me, and how to use it.

I finally found a concise version that makes perfect sense to me. It comes from the book ‘Calling in the One’ by Katherine Woodward Thomas. Here are the four parts:

1)      ‘a thought and/or belief in a particular possibility.’ You must know what you want and belief that it’s possible.

2)      ‘speak your intention out loud.’ Words have power and speaking them to others holds us accountable to what we really believe and want.

3)      ‘take actions that support the manifestation of your intention, and abstain from those that sabotage it.’ We must be willing to do something to get what we desire.

4)      ‘We must remain completely unattached to the outcomes that we are committed to creating.’

The fourth part is particularly powerful, and even paradoxical. We must live in a way that honors what we desire. We can be the captain of our ship and in command, but ultimately we can’t force anything on life, just as a sailor can’t pick the direction of the wind.

An intention is somewhat different from a goal which has definite ending and one we more often have control of. There is a similarity though – they must be realistic. We can have an intention or goal of running a marathon in 3 hours, but if we simply don’t have the physical makeup for that, no amount of faith or action will help. It’s okay to stretch as well to push yourself a little, and it still has to be realistic.

This simple pattern can be applied to anything from finding the perfect house to grilling the perfect salmon to meditation to driving. Time is irrelevant – living with integrity is not.

I summarized it in a poem

Intention is grounded in faith

    Spoken as truth

        Manifested through desire, power, and action.

Then released to the winds of time

    while we sail the vessel of our form with integrity.

The Roar of the Crowd

On September 10, 1972, Frank Shorter won the gold medal at the London Olympic games. That win was seen my millions on live tv here in the US and helped to start to running boom that continues to this day. A few days ago was the 40^th anniversary of that win and in the past week I’ve heard many great stories about Frank.

The one I want to share is about his finish of the Olympic marathon. A few minutes before Frank would run into the stadium, one of the workers came running out of the tunnel waving his arms pretending to be the winner. When Frank entered the stadium he didn’t see the imposter, but he heard the boos that were now coming from the crowd at the imposter. Frank was asked how he felt about having his thunder stolen in one of his greatest victories. His response was that he raced for himself, he didn’t care about the roar of the crowd.

Here’s a quote from Jeff Brown with a similar tone though this one is definitely more about a personal journey:

“Most of the greatest achievements on the planet are unknown to others- privately held overcomings, silent attempts at belief, re-opening an armoured heart. ... "”

I am one of those for whom both Frank’s comments and Jeff’s quote resonant. I am who thrives in an inner domain where athletics or work are quite personal and also quite satisfying. For me, this is also true in the realm of personal growth. Frank, Jeff, and I are all men so perhaps this is a more masculine feeling in general.

In talking with a women friend recently we were talking about this very topic. Specifically we were talking about the fact that I rarely share the adventures I head off on. For example, when I raced Race Across America, I didn’t even tell my boss at work until about a month before the race – and this is a race I’d spent 8 years dreaming about and 15 months preparing for. The woman I was talking with and I are good friends and even with her I sometimes don’t share the big adventures.

But she said several very wise things. First was about sharing and connecting – that if we are to be connected as friends we have to share even the crazy stuff and the personal stuff. The more that is shared, the closer we become, and this is even truer when it’s so meaningful. Connection is the stuff and life, but we can only truly connect if we share who we are with another.

The other thing she said was about giving and receiving, gifting and being gifted. Sharing an adventure or personal story is a gift given to a friend. By sharing you are honoring the other person and the bond between the two of you. In turn you have honored yourself and given back to yourself. It’s a complete win and deepening into life and connection.

While many of us may not care about the roar of the crowd, whether its athletics or arts or a personal struggle, we shouldn’t be the ones to decide if the crowd gets to roar or not. We can share who we are and we can do it humbly and honestly and with grace. The crowd or our friends can have their experience and make their own choice about whether they roar, or not. The great thing for the one on the adventure is discovering who it is that roars for you, who your fans really are. Those are the people you want around anyway, but if we never give people the chance to roar, we’ll never know what there is to life.

Microsoft Rocks

I’ve played (worked J) for Microsoft for 15 of the past 21 years starting back in 1991 just after Windows 3.1 came out. At the time there were less than 5000 employees and Microsoft was not by any means a household name. When I was asked where I worked, few people recognized the name Microsoft. Since then Microsoft has had incredible success and incredible swings.

Despite all that I love about Microsoft, I honestly never thought I’d hear myself say Microsoft Rocks when referring to its technology and products. But it truly does!

Today though was the annual company meeting and I’ve seen almost all while I’ve been employed. Each one has its own flavor and I’ve been impressed by many, and was always awed at the thunderous standing ovation Bill Gates would receive.

This year though – this was the most amazing meeting I’ve ever seen by far!

Microsoft may not have the coolest looking products, or a cool name. It may come to the party late sometimes, miss opportunities, and be called a copy-cat. It may be considered a brute and still the 800-pound Gorilla.

I admire what other tech companies have done and their enthusiasm, dedication, and innovation and their people.

But …

No company on the planet has the depth and breadth of products that Microsoft has. You’d have to combine Apple, Google, Oracle, and VMWare and you still wouldn’t have what Microsoft has. Microsoft is striking out on its direction like never before, creating a new paradigm and array of connection like never before. The suite of technology, products, and services are astonishing, not just for what they are, but the people and ideas behind them. Skype, Xbox, Xbox Live, Windows 8, Surface, Outlook.com, Windows Phone, Office, Xbox games and that doesn’t even begin to talk about Enterprise Services and software. It’s all there and it’s all working together like never before. The long awaited seamless transition from tv to computer to laptop to phone to tablet and more is close at hand.

At heart I’m not a tech guy, but I love the people I play with and I love what I do. I am proud to work for Microsoft.

Microsoft Rocks!

Meet Joe Black

A few of my favorite quotes from the movie Meet Joe Black 

William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) to his daughter Susan (Claire Forlani) about love …

William: “I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to <pause> sing with rapture and dance like a dervish.”

Susan: “Oh that’s all.”

William: “Yeah. Be deliriously happy. Or at least leave yourself open to be.”

Susan: “Ok, be deliriously happy. I shall do my utmost.”

William: “I know it’s a cornball thin, but love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can’t live without. I say fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. … The truth is honey, there’s no sense living your live without this. To make the journey and not fall deply in love. Well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”

Susan: “Bravo”

William: “Oh, you’re tough.”

Susan: “I’m sorry, ok. Give it to me again, the short version this time.”

William: “Stay open, who knows, lightning could strike.”

Another between William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) and Joe Black (Brad Pitt) who plays death.

Joe: I don't care Bill. I love her.

William: How perfect for you - to take whatever you want because it pleases you. That's not love.

Joe: Then what is it?

William: Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging - it's missing everything that matters.

Joe: Which is what?

William: Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.

Joe: So that's what love is according to William Parrish?

William: Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.

Silent Gifts

In the midst
of the scrutiny
and hopes of
thousands, silent
gifts spring forth
The body electric
faith stands eternal

-- Fierce Wolf

Dreams

Will you engage the fire
and dying breath of twilight?
Into another world
To fulfill a journey
Inspire dreams and provoke them
    push, prod, pull,
        yell, scream, cry, laugh
            Smile
In sweet ecstasy of death
    and glory of a new day

-- Fierce Wolf

Paradox, Science, and Taoism

The Tao gives birth to one

one gives birth to two

two gives birth to three

three gives birth to ten thousand things

-- Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching, verse 42

This first part of the 42nd verse of the Tao Te Ching is absolutely remarkable to me. It is such a precise picture of the universe and yet completely abstract at the same thing.

If you look at it in terms of classic teachings, the Tao can be understood to be the nothingness beyond anything we know with our mind, beyond anything we understand. The one can be understood to be the source energy, the single energy underlying, cradling everything; from everything derives from. The two paints the vision of the polarities that exist in this world – masculine and feminine, light and dark, north and south, sun and moon. Yin and yang in all its amazing forms. It’s also all the paradox that is all around, with each paradox falling apart and settling back into the one the two births from. The three is stepping stone to ten thousand, or the metaphorical infinite. That is everything that exists, in all its forms.

As in any birth, or any definition of birth we understand as humans, there is a lineage and connection back to the parents, grandparents, and so on. In one sense, the Tao is how we can understand that everything remains one and connected, even as there are distinct forms. There is one of those great paradoxes – the distinct forms of each of us or the distinct idea of each rock, plant, and so on, and still it’s connected to everything else.

The word connect, or interconnect, is one of the resolvers of the paradox. To be connected, or interconnected, implies both that there are at least two objects or people that are distinct and yet by being connected they become one! Try to wrap your head around that one – or better not to and just let it be.

If you are more of a scientific bent, you might understand the universe as born from a Big Bang. The Big Bang Theory implies a nothingness before anything (the Tao). Then there is a single entity, a single energy that explodes; the single energy is similar to the one. And as in human conception, cells splits, and that one energy has split apart into two, now we’re at the two above. As the Big Bang progress, then three, then ten thousand, or infinite.

The scientific bent also has wonderful paradoxes, like the dual-nature of light. Depending on what experiment that’s set up, light can either be detected as a wave or as a particle. Wow, that’s wild. Or consider Eintein’s famous equation E=mc2 which says that energy (E) and matter (m) are different forms of the same thing! Then there’s electromagnetic waves which are everywhere being released and absorbed by atoms all the time. Those waves the connection between everything. All atoms, and subatomic particles within, are constantly connecting and interacting.

Reality, as we know it in this universe, can be described in so many ways, from the sublime description of the Tao Te Ching from thousands of years ago which contains so much in so few words, to the deep and philosophical scientific inquiry to understand something of what we experience and put equations to that.

Just some of my random musings about science and philosophy and how they may not be as difference as we like to believe.

My Slow Neighbors

About six weeks ago I moved into a new neighborhood. It’s a little removed from the city, very quiet, and has great views of the mountains. On the small gravel side road I live on now there are perhaps 10 houses total.

The house has a wonderful front porch facing north and west with amazing views of the mountains which are just a few miles away. I’ve been eating out there, reading, sitting, writing – enjoying being outside. With so many neighbors, when a car rolls by, it’s pretty obvious. I’ve noticed one of my neighbors in particular. They drive an older, red, Chevy or Pontiac sedan. The car itself stands out a bit, but what’s more evident is the speed. They seem to crawl down the road, you can almost hear each rock as the tires roll over the gravel roadway. I’ve seen this car perhaps a dozen times and have always been surprised. Most people are in such a rush, it’s unusual to see someone driving so slowly.

I’ve always tried to keep a reasonable speed in neighborhoods in side streets, after all I want to respect the people that live there, and hope that if they ever drive down my street they might show the same respect. So it is here in my own neighborhood, I’ve kept my speed on the gravel road pretty slow. Lately though, I’ve noticed my speed getting slower, almost mimicking my neighbors. For the few times it was unconscious and I didn’t realize I was doing it, yet something stuck with me.

I’m now a regular creeper on my road. It’s become a ritual of sorts. Leaving home, it’s a transition from the quiet, settled space of home to the rest of the world. Coming home, I turn off the main road and immediately slow down and begin the passage back from the fullness of life to the peace of being home. My street isn’t long, perhaps a couple hundred meters from the main road to my driveway and yet those twenty or thirty seconds have an unusual meaning and depth to them. A slowing down, noticing my neighborhood, feeling my soul settle, and then reaching home.

So this evening as I write from my porch in the evening air, I want to thank my neighbors in the red car.

The Mindset List

Beloit College is a small college in southern Wisconsin. 15 years ago Beloit College started a tradition called the Mindset List. The idea was to provide the professors and staff at Beloit College with an idea of what the incoming freshmen class knew about the world, that could be particularly different from the staff who could be twice or three times the age of these new students. Sort of a generational difference guide if you will.

Here’s an example for the class of 2015, most of whom were born in 1993 – music has always been available as a free download. The idea of downloadable music is still that new and yet it has become so pervasive so quickly.

Here’s another from the class of 2008, most of whom were born in 1986 – the Energizer bunny has always been going, and going, and going. And still is!

The lists start with the class of 2002 and go to the current class of 2015. They are a remarkable study of how things change, how quickly they change, how they become part of everyday life so readily, and even how quickly things are gone.

The full set of lists is here at Beloit College – take a trip down memory lane and enjoy!

Laughing at it all

"Since everything is like an 'apparition,'
Perfect in just being 'What It Is' -- as it is.
Having nothing to do with 'good' or 'bad,'
'acceptance' or 'rejection' --
You might as well just burst out laughing!"

-- Tibetan master Longchenpa, fourteenth century Tibet

Patience

Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.

Shams Tabrizi

Indecision as an Energy Drain

About this time last year I was in the middle of one of my cycles of trying to decide if I wanted to get another car. Every couple weeks I'd look at car reviews, or check Craigslist for used cars. I'd even go out and test drive a car to see what it was like. I'd also redo all the numbers in my head - gas costs, insurance costs, downpayments, interest rates, practicality, car personalities, how much of a car payment could I afford, how much would maintenance cost. This went on for months and months - perhaps 4 or 5 months.

This came back into my thoughts recently as a friend started considering another car as well. She's having similar thoughts and has spent some time already thinking about cars, looking at them, letting it all sink in. I noticed how much energy it was taking for her.

I realized about listening to my friend how much energy I had put into trying to decide on whether to get another car. I did finally decide at some point that I was going to keep the car another two years. After two years I would take a look again, but until then I was free to enjoy my car, and I had that time and energy back to put elsewhere. The simple decision of 'I'm deciding later' was huge. It even changed my view of my car and how I felt driving it. No more ifs, at least for now, just the plain piece of being in it.

While the car is specific example, I never quite realized how much energy indecision cost, how much effort it takes until the idea for this post came about. It makes complete sense now that I've written it. Even the decision to decide later, whether later is a day, a week, a month, three months, is a decision. It stops the wasted energy of stewing. Something my still come up earlier that will require a new decision, but until that time your energy can be more free.

Reminders

It continues to amaze me every day how often I'm reminded to return to the present and what I'm actually doing, or where the best place for my attention is. There are so many examples every day.

Driving seems to be particularly adept at this. It could be the deer or fox or chipmunk that dash across the road. When I come to a stop sign, I bring my attention back to the give and take. As I approach cyclists I'm careful to ensure both of us are safe. Backing out of the driveway as I watch for cars, bikes, and people walking.
In meetings at work occasionally I'll drift and suddenly realize I have to reconstruct the last minute or so while still listenting to the current conversation. Better to have just stayed present.

Using a knife to cut up fruits or vegetables. Shaving. Eating an ice cream cone on a warm day and paying attention to the melting. Even something as simple as the short interaction with the people ringing up your food at the grocery store and sharing a brief smile and how's your day.

While running, every big rock and root is a reminder to pay attention to where to plant your foot. In the pool, counting strokes, counting laps, and planning your next breath.


I'm also frequently reminded to stay with what is. When I start planning what I'm going to do with the tax refund
and the new tech toy I'm going to get, as soon as that check arrives, my car will suddenly have engine trouble and there goes to the tech toy. This happened recently with a lease I signed - while waiting for the landlord to return a signed copy I gave 30-days notice as my current rental. And guess what, the property I was going to rent is suddenly up for sale.

Maybe it's reminding myself of something I want to say to a friend the next time I see them, and as soon as I show up, something else becomes more important. Or looking forward to a favorite menu item as a local restaurant and then finding out they are out.


I could go on with many more of both being present and being with what is. Sometimes it's annoying - most of the time though I am entirely grateful to have these reminders.

Lists

I used to be a listmaker. Lots and lots of lists. Lists of everything. Grocery lists, lists of when to pay bills, travel lists, lists for cycling events, lists for work. They were everywhere. They never ended. It felt good to cross an item off, but ultimately once half the page was crossed off I’d rewrite the list and add more at the end. The list was never finished.

I am now a recovering listmaker. Before I get to the ‘recovery’, I want to share two influences on my change of habits regarding listmaking.

The first comes from a guy I used to work with 15-20 years ago. He eventually moved into significant management positions being very successful in those. At one point we had a conversation about his style; I don’t know how we arrived at that subject or even what the rest of the conversation was about, but this is what I remember. As a manager he received hundreds of emails every day and could spend all day simply reading and responding to emails, some of which had no significant relevance for him and his position. That wasn’t where his time needed to be spent. While he had long-term objectives he always kept in mind, what he did every morning was scan through as many emails as he could as quickly as he could. From all that he’s find the 3-5 more important and mark those. The importance was also business related and obviously somewhat subjective. He would focus on making progress on answering those 3-5 emails every day so that when he went home he could really be with his family and leave the list nearly empty to start the next day.

The second is a different sort of prioritization system which comes from a long-time nuclear engineer – I don’t know exactly what he did other than that was his title. Again I don’t remember the context or the full conversation, just these bits. He said on the corner of his desk was a stack of folders. The folders came from various people and it was his responsibility to do something with the information in the folders. When he began his work, he always grabbed the top folder and dealt with what was in that first. Then move on to the second one and so on. If someone came back and asked about what happened with a folder, he could either tell them it had been dealt with, or if it was in the pile still, it would immediately be moved to the top. This system has two automatic priority systems – one was the newest items were always dealt with first. The second was that if something was really important, it would be mentioned repeatedly and find its way back to the top. Eventually some folders would drift down to the bottom and he would probably never get to them. If that was the case, it truly wasn’t important that it needed his attention.

While I’m sure both of these accounts have more detail, they do inform my change and list making strategy now.
My ‘recovery’ began perhaps 5 years ago. I made a conscious choice to stop making lists, or at least to reduce the number of paper lists significantly. Instead I would use my mind and my memory. I used a combination of strategies from both my friends – if it was really important I would remember it and if it really needed attention, I’d get to it right away and wouldn’t need to remember it anyway. I also changed how I made lists. I’d make lists based on priority and time, and most importantly I’d keep them short. For example my weekend list might be a few general items like cleaning, yard work, and laundry. With this system I knew what was really important, and at the end of the weekend I could throw away the list knowing it was fully done. I still have some long-term lists, and they clearly have lower priority and don’t get as much attention, but they do exist.

I’ve kept up this system since then and it has worked extremely well. I feel like I get more done, and get it done more efficiently. Life is simpler and easier with so much done, and not seeing lists of stuff still to do. There will always be stuff to do, but I don’t need to constantly remind myself of that, or even worse feel guilty for it. I really enjoy the satisfaction of getting done what really needs to be done.

Memory Leaks

First I have to admit I really don’t like metaphors that mix technology with the human body; downloads, operating system upgrades, hardware failures, and so on. Technology is ever present so these metaphors are both modern and relatively easy to relate to. My objection is simple – I’m a living, breathing, biological being, not a computer. No doubt human beings share elements with the computing world, but for now I’d rather retain my humanity. It’s with that that I offer my own metaphor here.

I’m a software developer and have been for a long time. Today in a refresher course I was reminded of two of the most insidious causes of errors within software – memory leaks and memory corruption. Huh? You’ll never see an error on a computer screen that specifically says ‘memory has been leaked’, as if it were water leaking out of a pipe, or ‘your memory has been corrupted.’ A good majority of errors at one point has these as root causes, though modern systems and programming styles are reducing them. Here’s a short explanation:

Memory Leak – to do almost anything on a computer, the software has to ask the operating system for memory, which the operating system readily offers up. As part of being a good software citizen, the software is supposed to give the memory back when it’s done. Sometimes programmers miss this step and what happens is slowly more and more memory is used even though it’s no longer needed. It’s a leak since it’s hard to track down where and when the programmer and software forget to release the memory.

Memory Corruption – when software asks for memory, it asks for a specific amount, for example 1000 bytes. The agreement is that the software is only supposed to use the memory it’s been given and stay within the bounds. Again, programmers can make mistakes and write into the wrong location, or write past the end of its bounds. This is called memory corruption.

Back to the metaphor - As I listened to the presenter talk about memory corruption and memory leaks somehow I thought of human beings and our own memory leaks and memory corruption.

We ‘leak’ memory and get filled up when we hold onto a memory longer than we need to and longer than it serves us. The most severe instances of this are major trauma and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). In these cases our brain, and body, retain the memory of an incident or series of incidents for a very long time. It has a significant effect on our behavior and life. Even smaller events can have an effect, which can be either positive or negative. We may remember a first love and hold onto that memory for a long time, which can interrupt the process of forming new loves. In a different way, someone may have hurt us in some way and we hold onto a grudge for a long time. Again this affects our memory.

The memories themselves don’t go away, it’s our reactions that cause leaks; we waste time and energy on old stuff. It certainly takes effort – some re-patterning of thoughts, maybe forgiveness, or establishing new habits – to sort through the memories and our reactions. When we do though, we stop ‘leaking’ and can put our energy towards aspects of our life that empower and enliven us.

In a similar fashion, a powerful memory is just that – powerful – and it overrides our normal, healthy, bodily systems and reactions. Memories can be so strong they ‘corrupt’ other memories and our systems. Again it’s not so much the memory itself, but how we perceive it and react to it. For example, if we were yelled at a kid for spilling milk, our normal reaction has been corrupted and now we feel bad whenever milked is spilled. Instead we could just be calm, find a mop, clean up the mess and acknowledge that accidents happen. Think of the saying ‘There's no use crying over spilled milk.’ This is just a small example to illustrate the point.

What memories can you release and let go of? What reactions can you change and let go of? What can you do to clean up your own ‘software’ so you have more memory and resources available to bring your best to the world? Start small, and once you know how to work with the small ones, the bigger ones will follow. You will run smoother and happier, just like your computer, with a good memory system.

Indiana Jones and Faith

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.” - Barbara J. Winter

The quote reminds me a scene from the third of the Indiana Jones movies, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, in which Indy is searching for the Cup of Christ. Towards the end of the movie, he comes to a ravine he must cross. The crossing is not far - perhaps 15 feet - but the ravine is no ordinary ravine. Hundreds and hundreds of feet of vertical cliff on both sides up and down, left and right. Indy checks his references and notes, from these he knows he must express the ultimate faith.

He stands there, crosses himself, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes - and steps out. His foot lands on a bridge that wasn't there a moment earlier.

In this case Indy had 'something solid to stand on'. Sometimes that's what we get, support in the most unexpected, unseen way. The other side is newborn birds who still not knowing how to fly reach the edge of the nest and off they go.

Winter is right - it takes deep faith to know we are always given the right tools at the right time and the scene is a great illustration of that.

Relativity

Albert Einstein has some fabulous quotes - this is one of my favorites:

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
THAT'S relativity

Belief

We do not believe
in ourselves until
someone reveals that
deep inside us
something is valuable
worth listening to
worthy of our touch
once we believe in
ourselves
we can risk
curiosity
wonder
spontaneous delight
or any experience
that reveals the human spirit.
-- e. e. cummings

Brushing Teeth and Meditation

This weekend I went to a talk by Lisa Wimberger, founder of The NeuroScultping Institute. The NSI is an evolution of Lisa's work with neuroscience, trauma, and stress and helping people heal. From the NSI website, 'Her mission to share practical and powerful stress management techniques to those in need caused Lisa to develop her Neurosculpting™ programs combining neuroscience principles with mindfulness and energetic modalities."

Lisa's talk was an introduction to NeuroScuplting, or the idea of how we can as individual change our patterns of belief and therefore our patterns of response. Since this was the very beginnings of her talks, I will describe the technique she uses as a form of meditation. She also referred to these personal journeys as meditation.

Towards the end of the talk, Lisa compared brushing your teeth to meditation. On the surface this may seem like an extraordinary comparison of two seemingly very different experiences. Most of us think of brushing our teeth as a fairly, normal everyday occurrence. Meditation is more commonly thought of in terms of raising awareness and consciousness. It's often thought of as a ritualized experience, even the imagery commonly associated with meditation shows the same.

What Lisa did by comparing brushing your teeth to meditation is bringing them to the same level, with a similar purpose. She brings the ritualized form of meditation to brushing your teeth. For many it truly is a ritual, a common pattern and flow which makes us feel better. It is ordinary in many ways and yet it is important.

Likewise, this brings an ordinary, everyday experience to meditation. We can choose to make time for meditation every day like we do for brushing our teeth. It doesn't take long and it has long-term beneefits.

Lisa talked about brushing our teeth as a daily maintenance. After all brushing our teeth helps to keep a healthy mouth. It takes a daily commitment, even just a few minutes, of brushing our teeth to maintain our health. Meditation has a similar feel - by setting aside a few minutes every day to meditate we bring peace, we strength our mind, we keep our brain and attitude healthy. Meditation also helps maintain our health, albeit in a very different way.

I truly appreciate the reminders of how the ordinary is extraordinary, whether it's brushing your teeth, or being mindful while eating, or any daily experience. It's something I forget still. In this case, I really like bringing an ordinary quality to something even I consider somewhat ritualized and outside an everyday experience.

Thanks Lisa for such a profound comparison! I'm off for my daily brushing, flossing, and rinsing of my mind.

Listening to Levon

Mark Cohn sings a song titled ‘Listening to Levon.’ It’s about a young man on a date with Mary (her name in the song) and while he remembers a few details, he’s elsewhere, listening to Levon (Levon Helm). The chorus is this:

I was lost
I was gone
Listening to Levon
In another place
In some other world
I was was lost
I was gone
Listening to Levon
I was looking at the girl
But I was listening to Levon

I suppose I can relate. I remember dating a woman a while ago who clearly saw I was more interested in cycling than in her. Maybe it might be more precise to say at the time I was more interested in proving something, and cycling was the way to do it. So as the song continues:

Sorry if I hurt you
Mary if you’re out there
You know who you are

I believe we all have activities that pull us in, where we’re lost in another place. It could be fishing, online gaming, church, or any pursuit which truly feeds us. Our deepest interests have their own sacredness and fulfillment to them.

For a long time cycling was it for me. More recently it’s been running, meditation, and yoga. Each one offers a stillness, peace, depth, connection. It’s not unlike listening to Levon. Engrossed and absorbed seem more relevant to what I feel than lost or gone. Truly being in the run, or on the mat – being present and nowhere else. The result being a similar vein of captivation and experience. In that sense, I feel the resonance of Cohn’s chorus. I feel the want for the magnificence and simplicity of those places deeper than being human.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a passionate kiss, a heartfelt embrace, the twinkle in a lover’s eyes, the deep blessings of a woman’s heart. Those truly reflect some of our most profound desires as humans - wanting to be loved, yearning to be connected, being in relationship with someone close. I feel that pull as well.

The truth is we need both and to find a balance of both. We need those places that bring great joy and satisfaction, an inner pace; and we need to acknowledge and meet our human state of being. We need to support this in each other so that each person blossoms in their own interests and then returns with renewed energy for those he loves.

Done well, this is truly having our cake and eating it too! I’m off to bake my cake and then enjoy the delight of human senses!

The Beginner Dog

I have two dogs. They get daily neighborhood walks; on the weekend I take them for longer hikes. As much as possible I try to let them off leash so they can be dogs and really run.

Each time we go out for a walk or hike, they are very excited. One of them can hardly contain himself – whines, barks, can barely sit still. Once the door is opened they are ready to bolt and run! Of course most dogs are excited to get outside and go for a walk.

Still I’m amazed every time. They are so excited even when it’s a walk or a place we’ve gone before. I know they know the place because they have favorite spots they like to go themselves, and still they’re excited. On leash or off, they are taking sniffing every spot they can, running in circles. Off leash they shoot off in every direction.

What this reminds me of is the Zen Buddhist concept of beginner’s mind. It’s the idea of approaching everything with a newness and freshness, with a lack of preconceived ideas, with a new attitude, even when it’s something that’s been seen or done before. I appreciate how dogs just do this.

It’s a reminder to me on the hikes and walks as well to keep paying attention to the dogs, and still appreciate and enjoy where I am.

The Pair

Written almost 20 years ago ...

As the two proceeded on another journey, onlookers would point and then
point the pair out to others.  Many would wave or smile.  This pair was
different.  Some held faces of wonderment and awe at such an oddity. 
Others shouted cheers of encouragement.  Always they were uncommon.

The pair working together always; individuals, but one, when together,
as a team. It can't be any other way.

As a team, the pair works together always.  Neither has complete
control, yet one must be the guide, the captain to provide the
direction and control for each circumstance, and one will be the
partner or mate.   Still the guide must consider the partner at all
times, and the partner should always be contributing to the navigation
of the team towards the aim.

Every path taken will provide challenges and tests of will; intervals
of stability and steady, smooth effort; and well-deserved rewards.

As a team, every challenge is negotiated together.  A few are larger
than life and nearly impossible while others may quickly pass often
without notice.  The smaller tasks can become commonplace and merely
require a signal to exert the modest effort to prevail.  If the team
has enough momentum, perhaps it is not even noticeable.  Some are like
roller coasters, the next one is always right there, just keep the
momentum going and these may even seem easy.  Those which are not
apparent until you've actually reached the end can be disheartening,
but don't give up.  Then there are the big ones, the ones which require
the most tenacity by the team.  Be careful not to exert too much at the
beginning and struggle near the end.  And watch for false peaks, which
are only intermediate goals towards achieve the final end.  Every once
in a while, a change of position to alter the attack or to give the
charge some extra effort can render a renewed sense of purpose.  The
effort can be long and arduous, so take turns giving a little boost to
the team.  In the end, the team will be successfully if they work together.

Almost every challenge has its rewards, even if small; every down has
its up.  The rewards can be exhilarating, refreshing, a relief, a rush!
A magnificent sunset with no one around for miles, a night under the
stars, a fine bar of chocolate - imagination has no limits.  A chance
to coast along  with little effort, to indulge in the prize of a
challenge met and conquered.  Enjoy these rewards, for often they don't
last long as one might wish.  Savor them individually, savor them as a
team where the momentum of two will be greater than either could attain
separately.  Yet, amidst the bliss of splendor, don't forget the
responsibilities to the team, to the other person.

Rare be it for periods of constancy to occur.  Don't expect those
smooth and flat stretches to be very lengthy.  Maybe relaxation and
enjoyment of an easier effort are in order, or perhaps a chance to take
advantage of the stability to push the pace and explore some limits. 
During these stretches, it's probably a good idea to stretch a bit and
change position, just like when challenges are being fought, except
here, the change is to keep smooth, not to alter the attack.

But beware, constancy can inspire boredom and a wandering mind.  A mind
that says I'm not doing my share.  So one starts to work a little
harder.  The other in turn notices and also expends a little more
energy, not to be outdone.  The team has succumbed to a cycle which
increases pace and requires an energy expenditure greater than
necessary.  Watch for such traps to avoid coercing an unnecessary challenge.


But none of this can happen without some essentials - some of which
include trust, cooperation, compromise.

Each, as individuals, has their own style, but these must be blended to
induce the harmony of the pair.  The styles may not be entirely
compatible, compromises must be made by both for the team to work in
unison.  One may like to smell the flowers, the other to reach the
goal; one may be patient, the other impatient.  No match is ever
perfect, but compromises in style can make it work.

The team must cooperate.  Deciding on a destination together is the
first step.  As the team travels, use their individual strengths for
their benefit and make up for their collective weaknesses.  Work
through the differences in ideas, thoughts, styles to provide
smoothness and comfort for both.

Complete Trust between the two is absolutely necessary.  Trust that the
guide holds a steady course, maintains complete control, provides
necessary adjustments and commands when necessary.  Trust that the
partner will back that direction, not counter the course the guide is
taking, and respond to directions.  The well-being of the team depends
on this trust.

Any team or situation demands communication.  This team must
communicate as well.  Initially this may be verbally, but as the pair
travels together, they learn about each other.  They learn subtleties
of movements, the meanings of actions, anticipation of what will may
happen next.  As time passes, each can respond to non-verbal clues from
the other.  Soon they just do, as if by magic.

Oh, and one other thing about this team.  Don't ever tell them they
can't, they'll leave you in their dust before the statement is finished!

It will take effort to get two moving as one, in synchronous motion. 
Once the team is moving, they carry a lot of momentum with them and
will hard to stop!


Being as one, they travel together, enjoy the beauty of their travels,
endure the hardship it may bring, but most of all it provides a unison,
a unity of spirits.  A oneness and uniqueness that is readily recognizable.

The pair working together always; individuals, but one, when together,
as a team. It can't be any other way.

So is this the story of a pair on a tandem, or a tandem to the story of a pair?