Memory Leaks

First I have to admit I really don’t like metaphors that mix technology with the human body; downloads, operating system upgrades, hardware failures, and so on. Technology is ever present so these metaphors are both modern and relatively easy to relate to. My objection is simple – I’m a living, breathing, biological being, not a computer. No doubt human beings share elements with the computing world, but for now I’d rather retain my humanity. It’s with that that I offer my own metaphor here.

I’m a software developer and have been for a long time. Today in a refresher course I was reminded of two of the most insidious causes of errors within software – memory leaks and memory corruption. Huh? You’ll never see an error on a computer screen that specifically says ‘memory has been leaked’, as if it were water leaking out of a pipe, or ‘your memory has been corrupted.’ A good majority of errors at one point has these as root causes, though modern systems and programming styles are reducing them. Here’s a short explanation:

Memory Leak – to do almost anything on a computer, the software has to ask the operating system for memory, which the operating system readily offers up. As part of being a good software citizen, the software is supposed to give the memory back when it’s done. Sometimes programmers miss this step and what happens is slowly more and more memory is used even though it’s no longer needed. It’s a leak since it’s hard to track down where and when the programmer and software forget to release the memory.

Memory Corruption – when software asks for memory, it asks for a specific amount, for example 1000 bytes. The agreement is that the software is only supposed to use the memory it’s been given and stay within the bounds. Again, programmers can make mistakes and write into the wrong location, or write past the end of its bounds. This is called memory corruption.

Back to the metaphor - As I listened to the presenter talk about memory corruption and memory leaks somehow I thought of human beings and our own memory leaks and memory corruption.

We ‘leak’ memory and get filled up when we hold onto a memory longer than we need to and longer than it serves us. The most severe instances of this are major trauma and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). In these cases our brain, and body, retain the memory of an incident or series of incidents for a very long time. It has a significant effect on our behavior and life. Even smaller events can have an effect, which can be either positive or negative. We may remember a first love and hold onto that memory for a long time, which can interrupt the process of forming new loves. In a different way, someone may have hurt us in some way and we hold onto a grudge for a long time. Again this affects our memory.

The memories themselves don’t go away, it’s our reactions that cause leaks; we waste time and energy on old stuff. It certainly takes effort – some re-patterning of thoughts, maybe forgiveness, or establishing new habits – to sort through the memories and our reactions. When we do though, we stop ‘leaking’ and can put our energy towards aspects of our life that empower and enliven us.

In a similar fashion, a powerful memory is just that – powerful – and it overrides our normal, healthy, bodily systems and reactions. Memories can be so strong they ‘corrupt’ other memories and our systems. Again it’s not so much the memory itself, but how we perceive it and react to it. For example, if we were yelled at a kid for spilling milk, our normal reaction has been corrupted and now we feel bad whenever milked is spilled. Instead we could just be calm, find a mop, clean up the mess and acknowledge that accidents happen. Think of the saying ‘There's no use crying over spilled milk.’ This is just a small example to illustrate the point.

What memories can you release and let go of? What reactions can you change and let go of? What can you do to clean up your own ‘software’ so you have more memory and resources available to bring your best to the world? Start small, and once you know how to work with the small ones, the bigger ones will follow. You will run smoother and happier, just like your computer, with a good memory system.