Questions are the Answers

During the second session of a Coaches Training Program I recently began, we held a discussion about what it means to be a coach. The leader of the training put forth the idea that coaches are guides or facilitators, and that their primary tools are to ask questions to help the client discover their own wisdom and reveal what they know to be the best answers for themselves. While I’ve never formally coached anyone, when I talk with friends and they express something they want to change, my curiosity tends to lead and what comes forth is lot of questions. I innately know this idea and wholeheartedly resonate with the idea and approach.

As happens, this idea started to have analogies elsewhere in my life as well. That is whatever I’m doing I am a ‘coach’ just helping the activity ‘answer’ itself and find its own way! It is a rather fascinating way to approach life!

Let me start with something like cooking. First there’s the question of what do I want to eat? My body knows and so I listen to some possibilities. Open the fridge and ask, what’s in the fridge? Followed by what would go well together? Soon the meal starts to develop on its own. When it comes to spices, it’s the same – open the spice cabinet and just ask, what would be good on dinner? Most of the time I am pleasantly surprised by what the result is! And without opening a cookbook, or having to think at all.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Considering the more personal side of self-discovery and self-growth, it is very similar. It is a plethora of questions. Sometimes the answers pop up quickly, sometimes they are incredibly clear. Other questions require time, to let the question stew and gather experiences before there is a semblance of articulation. There are times when writing helps as well. Really though what is revealed is revealed on its own, not by thinking.

Even in my career where I write software, the process is nearly identical. Our team is presented with an idea, something that needs to be written to support our products. We all begin with questions – what does it really need to do, what kind of performance is needed, how soon does it need to be finished? These do require input. Once we begin the coding it becomes a different kind of question – how do I write code, create a solution that implements the desired result. For any problem there are dozens (hundreds?, thousands?) or ways to get to the result. Most of the time, just asking the question of what the result needs to be begins the process of getting to answer. Then my fingers start to fly over the keyboard, my mouse moves across the screen – and then it begins. The code writes itself! Not entirely, but there is a large degree of truth to this.

The answers don't always come quickly, and they don't always appear as I would expect, nor are the answers themselves what I would expect - but with patience and faith, they do arrive.

Does this sound familiar? If so, great – see if you can engender this trust in the answers to reveal themselves!

If this sounds way out there – give it a try! Just ask the questions – and open up to answers. You actually probably do this and don’t realize it. When you go to a restaurant and you’re handed a menu, we scan the menu – what do I want to eat. Something usually pops out. It’s the same – let the answer pop out!