The Pair

Written almost 20 years ago ...

As the two proceeded on another journey, onlookers would point and then
point the pair out to others.  Many would wave or smile.  This pair was
different.  Some held faces of wonderment and awe at such an oddity. 
Others shouted cheers of encouragement.  Always they were uncommon.

The pair working together always; individuals, but one, when together,
as a team. It can't be any other way.

As a team, the pair works together always.  Neither has complete
control, yet one must be the guide, the captain to provide the
direction and control for each circumstance, and one will be the
partner or mate.   Still the guide must consider the partner at all
times, and the partner should always be contributing to the navigation
of the team towards the aim.

Every path taken will provide challenges and tests of will; intervals
of stability and steady, smooth effort; and well-deserved rewards.

As a team, every challenge is negotiated together.  A few are larger
than life and nearly impossible while others may quickly pass often
without notice.  The smaller tasks can become commonplace and merely
require a signal to exert the modest effort to prevail.  If the team
has enough momentum, perhaps it is not even noticeable.  Some are like
roller coasters, the next one is always right there, just keep the
momentum going and these may even seem easy.  Those which are not
apparent until you've actually reached the end can be disheartening,
but don't give up.  Then there are the big ones, the ones which require
the most tenacity by the team.  Be careful not to exert too much at the
beginning and struggle near the end.  And watch for false peaks, which
are only intermediate goals towards achieve the final end.  Every once
in a while, a change of position to alter the attack or to give the
charge some extra effort can render a renewed sense of purpose.  The
effort can be long and arduous, so take turns giving a little boost to
the team.  In the end, the team will be successfully if they work together.

Almost every challenge has its rewards, even if small; every down has
its up.  The rewards can be exhilarating, refreshing, a relief, a rush!
A magnificent sunset with no one around for miles, a night under the
stars, a fine bar of chocolate - imagination has no limits.  A chance
to coast along  with little effort, to indulge in the prize of a
challenge met and conquered.  Enjoy these rewards, for often they don't
last long as one might wish.  Savor them individually, savor them as a
team where the momentum of two will be greater than either could attain
separately.  Yet, amidst the bliss of splendor, don't forget the
responsibilities to the team, to the other person.

Rare be it for periods of constancy to occur.  Don't expect those
smooth and flat stretches to be very lengthy.  Maybe relaxation and
enjoyment of an easier effort are in order, or perhaps a chance to take
advantage of the stability to push the pace and explore some limits. 
During these stretches, it's probably a good idea to stretch a bit and
change position, just like when challenges are being fought, except
here, the change is to keep smooth, not to alter the attack.

But beware, constancy can inspire boredom and a wandering mind.  A mind
that says I'm not doing my share.  So one starts to work a little
harder.  The other in turn notices and also expends a little more
energy, not to be outdone.  The team has succumbed to a cycle which
increases pace and requires an energy expenditure greater than
necessary.  Watch for such traps to avoid coercing an unnecessary challenge.


But none of this can happen without some essentials - some of which
include trust, cooperation, compromise.

Each, as individuals, has their own style, but these must be blended to
induce the harmony of the pair.  The styles may not be entirely
compatible, compromises must be made by both for the team to work in
unison.  One may like to smell the flowers, the other to reach the
goal; one may be patient, the other impatient.  No match is ever
perfect, but compromises in style can make it work.

The team must cooperate.  Deciding on a destination together is the
first step.  As the team travels, use their individual strengths for
their benefit and make up for their collective weaknesses.  Work
through the differences in ideas, thoughts, styles to provide
smoothness and comfort for both.

Complete Trust between the two is absolutely necessary.  Trust that the
guide holds a steady course, maintains complete control, provides
necessary adjustments and commands when necessary.  Trust that the
partner will back that direction, not counter the course the guide is
taking, and respond to directions.  The well-being of the team depends
on this trust.

Any team or situation demands communication.  This team must
communicate as well.  Initially this may be verbally, but as the pair
travels together, they learn about each other.  They learn subtleties
of movements, the meanings of actions, anticipation of what will may
happen next.  As time passes, each can respond to non-verbal clues from
the other.  Soon they just do, as if by magic.

Oh, and one other thing about this team.  Don't ever tell them they
can't, they'll leave you in their dust before the statement is finished!

It will take effort to get two moving as one, in synchronous motion. 
Once the team is moving, they carry a lot of momentum with them and
will hard to stop!


Being as one, they travel together, enjoy the beauty of their travels,
endure the hardship it may bring, but most of all it provides a unison,
a unity of spirits.  A oneness and uniqueness that is readily recognizable.

The pair working together always; individuals, but one, when together,
as a team. It can't be any other way.

So is this the story of a pair on a tandem, or a tandem to the story of a pair?

Do it anyway

"Whatever you do in life will be insignifigant, but it is very important that you do it anyway. Because nobody else will. Are fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch."- Mahatma Gandhi

I first heard this quote durnig the movie "Remember Me". As a side not, it's a good movie. It's slow with the first half seemingly disconnected. It's not until near the very end of the movie the entire movie and the quote above make sense.

For me this quote brings forth the paradox and conundrum of life. With all the billions and billions of stars (or maybe it's trillions and trillions), with the estimated age of the universe at 13.7 billion years, with each human life 1 of a 6 billion on this planet we call Earth ... within this scale, it truly does seem that whatever we do with this life is insignificant.

Truly though none of us live at that immense, unimaginable scale of the universe. Even 1 star doesn't matter at that scale. We live at a human scale, most often measured by our neighborhoods, communities, and cities. These are the places we live, breathe, work, play, and exist.

At this personal level and personal scale, our actions are important. Very important. A smile to a stranger can change a day, both for you and them. Picking up a random piece of trash does improve the planet and make it nicer for everyone. Spending time with a friend enriches lives.

At the other end we can send waves the other way - road rage which might offer us some release yet brews anger in others, or flicking a cigarette butt out the window.

Everything we do matters, especially in relationship - to other people, to the earth, to animals, to ourselves. It is important how we act and it is equally important that we do act.

Regardless of the scale - universal or human, I agree with Gandhi. Do it anyway!

What's your fun?

Here's a clip from 60 minutes with a story and interview about a 13 year old who was diagnosed with Autism at age 2, but through continued efforts of his parents and fostering his interest in science, he has more or less moved pass the autistic symptons. It's quite a remarkable story, not only because of the turnaround but becaue he's now, at 13, a sophomore in college.

My favorite part of the interview by Mike Wallace is about four and half minutes into the clip:

• Wallace: What do you do you for fun?
• Jake: When it doesn’t involve academics?
• Wallace: Beyond the academics?
• Jake (smirk): Does looking up space articles online count?
• Wallace: <laughter>

Jake is both completely aware of what he enjoys and that it's likely different from what might be considered a normal 'fun' activity. He is also completing accepting of it, he doesn't hide it. It's part of who he is.

So what's your fun? That is putting aside any judgment, any ideas of what normal might be.  Maybe collecting quirky salt and pepper shakers, or reading Vogue cover to cover every month (and you're a guy :-), or perhaps number and letter games with license plates (me).

What's your true fun?

The Power of Introverts

I recently saw a TEDx presentation called the Power of Introverts – here’s the video from it.

I’ll admit I’m much more of an introvert than an extravert. I enjoy being with people, solving problems together, making connections, sharing a run, laughing together. Still I appreciate the time I have to myself, to read, to write, to sit and listen, to watch the sunset. In this world of constant stimulation and connection, it seems that sometimes introverts get a little too much flack for being who they are.

One of the things I like about this talk is the Susan Cain, the presenter wants to celebrate introverts. She reminds us that in that space of being alone with the opportunity explore, great thoughts and insights can arise, as has happened over and over in the past. It will likely still take a group of people to get something done, but so much has started from those introverted moments.

While Cain gives introverts a reminder that their style is valued, she also makes a strong point for introverts to share themselves with the world, in some way or another. They have powerful ideas, arts, writing, and more. It does no good to have that sit in one place and not be shared.

One last piece I like that Cain shares is about the revolution/evolution of office workspaces. Many new buildings are being designed with the idea of community spaces, shared spaces – where people can bump into each other or meet and spawn new ideas. With that, there is also a trend towards fewer and fewer, even no private workspaces. My office was heading down this path – community spaces and shared working areas. I for one am glad it didn’t happen. I’m all for those community spaces – I’ve even seen the results as my office has those community workspaces (we call them scrum areas after Agile practices). Cain wants to remind us that the world has both introverts and extraoverts, and new office spaces should accommodate both.

Perhaps I can relate with what Cain says with this blog. Introversion suits me well with lots of cool ideas coming through (or at least I think they’re cool). I never know what to do with them. So I’ve started putting them here. Maybe someone will read them, maybe not, but at least they aren’t lost in time.

Integrity

“One’s suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields — even to sadness” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
  

For the past couple weeks I've been sitting in one of my stories. It's an old story that comes up every so often. This time it seemed I needed more time to hear it, let it roll around in my head and body, let it pull at different threads to have a different space with it. For now, it doesn't matter what the story is, just that the flow that transpired has been very different.

While I sat and listened to the drone that seemed to go on and on, I tried listening from different places, to different voices. Trying to understand the links and patterns. It was frustrating at times and several nights of sleep were cut short with all the looping.

One of the common themes I heard was 'that's it, I'm not taking it anymore.' Another was about control, or really lack of control, especially in regards to other people. With those themes I listened for what that meant to me. What I heard in that was that I needed to hold onto my personal integrity. Once that became clear I knew what was needed for me to be in a place that felt like I was holding my integrity to myself.

For a short bit, that felt good. And then it didn't. I was confused - what could be wrong with maintaining personal integrity. What was I missing? So more looping, listening, feeling.

What came up was about the greater good and a bigger picture? Despite what I thought would be reasonable for me, that same thing did not feel reasonable in a bigger picture. How could I have integrity with the world?
For awhile this felt really good as well. The ego just suddenly disappeared out of the entire picture and my story fell to pieces. Instead there was a feeling of freedom, opportunity, possibility, openness, discovery, acceptance. I just simply felt better, a burden was gone.

One more round though - this was was about uncovering that both are important, me and the world. That there has to be a balance of needs between both. With that it is possible to be in integrity with myself and with the world (including those around us).

I will take a quick moment to disgress with this - what if we all could learn how to be in integrity with ourselves, and the world, and those around us. Imagine the kind of world it would be ...

In the end I still don't have control over other people. It is a reminder that I have some, albeit somewhat illusionary, control over my own response. Even moreso is being with what is - finding the gifts in that and discovering my own strength and purpose in that. As I started, I talked about my story - and that's just it. It's MY STORY - and it's just a story. It's a story from the ego wanting to be #1, top dog. Maybe that's the biggest teaching of all, is the reminder that it's a story from the ego. When 'my story' comes up, to remember what the source is and where it's coming from.

Then it's time to step back and step out, let the story fall to pieces, and let what's true be revealed.

Give it a try

"It's impossible" said pride.
"It's risky" said experience.
"It's pointless" said reason.
"Give it a try" whispered the heart.

Be

Release the Spirit
Explore the Senses
Expand the Mind
Feel.  Be.